I need to get something off my chest. I feel like I have used this blog to complain a lot lately. While I do want to use this as an avenue to share personal stories I do not want you all to think that I am unhappy. Or a generally unhappy person. That could not be farther from the truth.
Truth is, I am a happy person. I try to see the glass half full. I like to be an encouragement to others. I seek out God's promises in the everyday. I am pretty posititive. Most of the time.
The way I see it, being a mom is hard. You are trying to stay positive for yourself. Your spouse. Your kids. It is really hard to be that positive all the time. Sometimes I need to vent a little of the negativeness somewhere. You get the point.
Anyways, lately I have had lots of complaining stories about this and that. They have mainly related to my 3 1/2 year old daughter. I absolutely love her to pieces but she is completely wearing me out these days. In my opninion, this is the hardest age yet. Honestly, there have been many many many days lately where I have been re-thinking my decision to be a stay-at-home-mom. I feel like I can't do it for another minute. I find myself in tears and angry at my behavior. Thinking that I am the worst mom in the world and surely "ruining" my daughter.
(On a side note, all these images are un-edited. Sorry)
While daydreaming of having a live-in nanny or children shipped off to childcare everyday, I realize that as bad as it can be, I still would not have it any other way. This is a phase. My daughter will not whine forever. She will not throw meaningless tantrums and doddle at the dinner table forever. She will also not snuggle me on the couch or adore her baby brother forever. I know that her days of desperately wanting all my attention and thinking I hang the moon are passing. I am certain that I will never regret my decision to stay home with my children. I may regret how I respond to her when she makes me angry (and I often do), but I will never miss all the normal days that we get to spend together.
At the end of the day I generally want to pull all my hair out but it is because I got to spend that much time with her. Then I stop to think, not many parents can say that. That they had too much time with their children. It is a blessing not a curse. And while it sounds like a reminder, it is. I have to constantly remind myself of this.
So, yes, I may share my grumbles and complaints ocassionally. I take breathers on facebook and watching HGTV before daddy comes home. I text with other mommy friends and steal away moments to blog. Those are just my little pick-me-ups throughout the day. The ways that I take a breath. Calm myself. Stay sane.
Having preschoolers is hard work and I am certainly not the most qualified. I don't spend hours teaching life lessons and planning activities. I would be a horrible home-schooler. We kinda just roll with it most days. We watch tv and read stories and do play-doh. On ocassion I do something fabulous like bake cookies.
Regardless, I know that lazy days at home with mom are better than those organized days with a childcare professional. I know that the days where we can do absolutely nothing are fleeting. Before I know it my daughter (and son!) will be in school. Their days will be organized for them. They will be taught fabulous things and get to learn and be social and creative to their hearts content. There will not be another chance to be home with them all day just because. This too is a phase.
So, I just wanted to put this out there. Consider it a semi-apology/explanation as well as an encouragement to all you mothers to young children. Before I go, I want to share a link. My fabulous mother-in-law shared this video with me the other day. It sums up what I am trying to say. (Here is a tip: Have a tissue handy)