Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Work in Progress

I am going to be honest, I have felt prompted to work on my marriage lately. Don't get me wrong, my husband is fabulous and I am so lucky to have married such a wonderful man but we just aren't in that great of a place right now. Nothing is "wrong" per se we are just in the oh-so-common funk that couples get into when they have a house full of young children. We are just co-existing.

Luckily we make great roommates, but I miss my husband. We are both to blame. We can also put blame on exhaustion, our kids, our jobs, and so many other things but the honest truth is that it is our responsibility to prioritize and get out of the funk.

I am a huge believer that God should be first your priority then your spouse and then your children followed by everything else. I know so many people put their children first before spouses but I believe God calls us to raise our children to send them out onto their own. When we married our spouses we became one body in Christ. Just think about it, once your kids are out of the house...what's left? That's right, just you and your spouse. Ideally, you are still in love when life comes full circle.

I don't want to open a huge debate about this, I just bring it up because it is so easy to get wrapped up in kids activities and conversations about the children's lives. Before you know it neither one of you can remember the last moment you spent with each other where the kids were not on the mind. This is where the challenge comes in. Prioritizing your spouse and your relationship with them. Commiting to finding time to spend alone together. Having adult conversation. Investing in the things that make each other happy and putting your spouse above your children.

I brought up my feelings to my hubby last night. He listened and agreed. We have not put pen-to-paper yet (which I think is so important) and gotten specifics on the calendar yet but we did brainstorm ways to find time for each other. After our discussion yesterday evening, we sat outside together and watched our daughter play. Yes, we were focusing on our child but our conversation was adult and focused on one another.

When my husband came home today he suggested we load the kids up and take them for a walk through the neighborhood. It was great because while the kids were technically there, we still got to have time to focus on one another.

I got the name and number of a trusted babysitter today and plan on calling her this week to get some dates scheduled. We also decided that one or two nights a week, after the kids are asleep we are going to turn off computers and cell phones and sit on the couch watching TV together.

The steps might seem little but I believe that it is the awareness that is the most important thing. I love my husband so much and I want to continue to build our marriage and make it even stronger than it already is.

(While I love these two to pieces, when they are out of the house I want to make sure that
my hubby and I are happier than ever)

Does anyone else struggle with this? Am I the only one? If you have any tips on finding time for one another amidst the chaos of kids, I would love to hear them.



Bobbi said...

I blogged about this very thing today.


And yes, I struggle with it too!

So Bella said...

Great post! I know my hubby and I rarely spend time together, especially alone without the kids. We definitely struggle to find a balance. We actually sat together and watched TV yesterday, while the girls were at school and he had come home early from work. I was so nice :)

Let us know if you have more tips!

Monica said...

Amen and amen...it is a constant battle keeping our marriage first, behind our relationships with Christ. We've been doing a fabulous devotional that has been helping us refocus, "Songs in the Key of Solomon" by John and Anita Renfroe, very refreshing. Next, a babysitter!!

Tammy @ she wears flowers said...

You make such great points and I appreciate the reminders!

Drew and Brandi said...

I too have had this impression as of late, I think you are the only one who can say it out loud! I agree with all that you have said and believe it is so important to cultivate all aspects of your relationship. A friend told me about the Dating Divas site and it has been fun to see what others are doing to increase their relationship with their spouse while raising their family!
Thank you and have fun!

bethany said...

i think this is always true when you have little ones in the house because they are so demanding of your time. One thing that Zak and I have done is set aside a "date night"-but not a date night where we leave the house or anything. We put the kids to bed a little early, get take out, and play card games (which sounds so cheesy, but is so fun), do some kind of craft or cooking activity together (wow. this is sounding more cheesy as I write it). something where we are talking and laughing but not necessarily spending any money or even leaving the house. it's really helped us reconnect.

and your husband should come before your children. not that you should totally neglect your kids or anything, but a marriage is sacred and is the most important relationship you will ever have.

TOTEally Posh! said...

It's so good to hear that I am not the only one with these feelings! We have had this exact conversation recently. I pray that you both are able to find the time for each other and continue the wonderful relationship that it sounds like you have.

Nicole said...

Feeling exactly the same way! So glad to hear it's not just us. Having small children drains you of all energy to 'work on a relationship' but ideally the kids leave the 'nest' and you're relationship is still intact. I need to talk to my hubby about this tonight!!! Coexisting is a good word for it. We are a great team but are not really a 'couple' right now. Thanks for your post!

craftmom said...

I am so happy you did this post, as my husband and I deal with this too. I would love to hear more about this post and any ideas others have. Thank you so much for having the courage to post about this, so I hope you have more posts like this.

PearlsForMyGirls said...

Thank you for this, Sabrina. It is a great reminder. I do think my 'marriage relationship' has started to improve as my girls get a little older and out of the infant/baby stages.. (they are 4 1/2 and 2 1/2)

Rebecca said...

Yes- I can totally relate - we have 3 small kids ( 5 yrs, 2.5 yrs and 8 months) and I work 1 night shift a week(nurse) and he usually works til 6:30 at night so add all that into the crazyness of kids and just LIFE and it is difficult.. Yeah for prioritizing time for ya'll! One of the things we did back before my youngest was born was get rid of cable and once the kids are down- we fold laundry together or just get in bed and talk and hang out. sooo nice! Back in Jan- someone challenged me about memorizing scripture- I have never been good about it but I talked with my hubby and we decided to tackle it together- so now 3-4 nights a week we learn a verse together- we start with 1 verse and than add on the next verse each night- we did Colossians 3: 1- 17 and than Psalm 1 and we are currently memorizing a passage in Philippians. We dont always get to it every night but it has really strengthened and encouraged my walk with the Lord as well as with my husband. just some thoughts to share.... Also- my husband is a Christian counselor(received his degree from Dallas Theological Seminary) and he has a 5 min weekly video blog that covers a wide range of topics- check it out sometime- hopefully it will be encouraging and of benefit to ya'll!


I really enjoy reading your blog- your patterns are ADORABLE as are your kids!

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