Wednesday, January 12, 2011

This is not light and fluffy

This is not a pretty post. It’s not light and fluffy. It’s a real post. If you only follow this blog for giveaways and etsy tips then that is okay and this post is not for you. If you are not interested in “real” then please feel free to just skip this one and come back later. I will not be offended in the slightest. I told you a few weeks ago that this blog is changing format a little in 2011...that it is becoming more of a sounding board for me and less super focused on crafts. Anyways, this post is real in the sense that it is where my heart is right now. My heart is in a funk. It is an annoying funk too.

Let me start by saying that I am super blessed. I know this. I have an amazing husband, precious children, we all have our health, we are fed and clothed and have more earthly possessions than anyone truly needs. Most of all, I have a heavenly father who loves me for who I am because He created me that way.
I know all this to be true. The problem is that I am in a religious funk. I am in that lull between peaks and valleys. You know what I am talking about? When you are on a high or low, it is easy to seek and pray and sing praises and ask for prayer. But when you are in the boring in-between, it is not as easy. At least it is not for me. In this lull it is easiest for me to go about my day as if I am in charge and not my Savior. I hate this feeling.
You are probably thinking, “Just pull yourself out of it already.” “Have a quiet time and dig deeper.” Well, I have a hard time finding the motivation and drive to do even that. I am sure you are right, spending consistent time in the word and in prayer would probably “fix” things or at least start to. The problem is that my heart is not in it. I am just on auto pilot going about my life filling my days with menial tasks.
I am not saying that I have turned away from my faith or anything because that is certainly not true. I know what Jesus did for me and adore Him for it. I know what God is capable of and I know that He is with me in this lull and desperately wants to see me come out of it. I have not turned my back. I am just in a funk.
Like I said before, I am a very blessed person. I have experienced many, many, many religious high points in my life. Moments that I knew without a shadow of a doubt were God’s blessings and miracles. I can share plenty of those stories. At this point in my life, I have yet to experience a really low point. We have not had anything super tragic happen to our family, most of our relatives are still living, we are employed and healthy. This is what scares me.
I know that God works wonders through tragedy and sorrow. It is not intentional pain that He inflicts, but it is through the circumstances that He brings people closer to Him. I don’t want that to happen to me. Not that tragedy is avoidable, because it is not, but I just don’t want something terrible to be the reason that I get out of this pit. I want to make it out while I am in this in-between stage. I want to be close to Him again. I want to feel His presence daily and have the drive to spend much needed time in prayer. I want to be in a high place before our circumstances change…because they will. It is only a matter of time.

 
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12 comments:

Lisa said...

Sometimes, I find that if I immerse myself in HIS work, then I find myself in a better place. Can you volunteer at a soup kitchen? Rock a baby at the hospital? (((hugs))) I've been there.

6blessings said...

Thanks for sharing from your heart.
I've been there too (many times) through my 25 years of marriage and 6 children.
Is God trying to tell you something? I had a feeling of major unrest and an overwhelming unsettledness at one point. I prayed more, talked to our pastor and seeked out council from godly friends. After attending a homeschool expo, I figured out I was called to homeschool. On the way home from the expo I cried and cried (with joy) because I knew in my heart that this was what I was supposed to be doing. Soon after this, we changed churches. We are still attending this church that is more Bible-based and has members who are like-minded. We have all grown in our faith.
I'm not saying that you should homeschool or change churches but I think God will put unrest in our lives to get us to react. Would the Hebrews have left Egypt if their straw had not been taken away?
Also, one of the best things I did when I had nursing babies was to leave an open Bible on the arm of the chair I nursed in. This made nighttime feedings such a sweet and precious time that I still miss them today.
I hope this helps. I'll be praying :)

Cammie@Flutterbys and Frogs said...

Bless you for your honesty! Authenticity is so important because it lets others know that everything is not happy, rainbows, and sunshine 24/7. I know how you feel and am praying for you to come out of your funk.

bethany said...

I think we all get into a "funk" like this at some point or another. And unfortunately you're right, a lot of times the Lord helps us get out of it by showing us how important He is (i.e. some sort of challenge). It does work though-those are the times when I find myself on my knees and delving into the scriptures the most.

I'm trying to think of some sage advice, but honestly I don't have anything profound today. Just continue those good habits of prayer and study even if you aren't "feeling" it.

Garilyn said...

Sabrina, I will be praying for you. It's kind of a "been there, done that" type of thing. I agree with a previous poster, that it may take really listening to see if God is trying to tell you something. It's amazing what he tells us when we really listen. Journaling may help, as trying to read just a verse or 2 at a time.

May you have a blessed day in the Lord!

Garilyn said...

Sabrina, I will be praying for you. It's kind of a "been there, done that" type of thing. I agree with a previous poster, that it may take really listening to see if God is trying to tell you something. It's amazing what he tells us when we really listen. Journaling may help, as trying to read just a verse or 2 at a time.

May you have a blessed day in the Lord!

Jessica said...

I don't know if you've ever read the book Captivating by Staci Eldridge. It is wonderful - it really helped me in a dark time. She has a refreshing way to look at things - and it is not one of those books where it gives you a to do list of things you should be and aren't doing. She is very compassionate, and I honestly feel God changed my whole life by using that book. It has helped several of my friends too. You can find it online for like $8. I will pray for you to learn the plan God has laid out for you.

Monica said...

I am in a funk too...

Mama Lusco said...

I, too, have been there too many times. I find that an intensive Bible study helps change my focus. I love all Beth Moore studies. It takes me about 30 minutes 5 days a week at home, then some friends get together to watch the videos. She is great! Praying for you today!

ShaniKulani said...

Maybe you need to step back from focusing on being in the lull. Do not fret that you are there for any period of time, because you will dwell on it too much. Work on trying to help another in their struggle as well all have little ones here and there. Maybe helping them, could help you through yours?

Katie said...

Hello, I found your blog a few days ago and have been enjoying reading it. Try not to feel too bad. I remember our preacher saying one time that most of our christian lives are lived in the "ordinary days". I know as a SAHM sometimes I feel the days are always the same and that my prayers are boring and redundant. These days are important also because even though we might not feel close to God, he is close to us. I suggest reading a really good book that that chanllenges your faith at a new level. This fall I read Radical, Taking Back your Faith from the American Dream by Dr. David Platt. It is an awsome book that really makes you dig deep.
http://doodledidit.blogspot.com/

two in fourteen months said...

Hi Friend...just getting to this post.... I am just climbinig out of this place (thanks to a wonderful friend who has brought more God loving people back into my life). I believe it is a lot to do with unrest, LOTS of focus on a newborn (which usually leaves me feeling void because it tends to be the same routine everyday). I do believe volunteer time could help. In the past it too has brought me a sense of peace and longing to be closer to Him while filling in a space of lacking in the world. It makes you feel good to do for others and appreciate the super blessing in your life even more!!

 
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